Welp, it’s time for the 2002 hentai Kurohime: Shikkoku no Yakata. Rule one of being a team of mystery solving homosexuals is to go into any and all European mansions you find in the Japanese countryside.
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So we’ll see… I guess… this one promises… it’s not off to a great start with dam construction. Wait, have we done this one? No, we haven’t done this it’s something else. I was thinking of some other show that was not porn.
Oh, cool! Lesbians!
I thought this was the opening to a Ben 10 episode for a second there. I was like, “Wait a minute those two look familiar!” It wasn’t.
Also could have been Teen Titans, plenty of shows I could reference there. Look you’re not allowed to be lesbians in the lake on the other side
of the dam guys that’s, uh, that’s illegal. So we’re already starting off moody. Is this… Okay? Good establishing shot that they’re lesbians.
Oh no! Smallmouth bass! The most terrifying of all fish. This really is gonna be a scary one. OoOoOo! Freshwater fishing! OoOoOblublubluuuu!
Where are they going? Are they just… wherever? RV park! They have those in Japan? I don’t know why they wouldn’t have RV parks in Japan it just seems like, I think like people don’t even have cars because the roads are too stupid.
Well, that guy turned into ninety percent chin right there.
Is that guy legally required to stand like that? Oh this is good, this is good shit. This is from 2002 and it’s based on an eroge so just to lock that up.
Look at that, look at that! They spent all the effort on the walk-around shots. Stop holding your belt man those pants are tight enough okay you don’t need to hold your belt.[bad impersonation of a teenage girl] “Oh there’s nothing on the other side of the car you guys promised!”
Who’s this lady? Who did the production… on this? SPD did the original game. I don’t know, I don’t know who did the, uh… Discovery, maybe?[probably racist accent] SU-TAN-DO BAI MII! Oh, it’s like that movie. Yeah, it’s like that movie, Stand By Me!
Look, let go of your belt you weirdo! What a f–[pretending to be belt moron] “Huhuuuh I’m holdin’ my belt that’s what I’m cooler than you guys! Gay!” [pretending to be a member of the gay community] “Hey we’re lesbians so we walk in the back but she’s scared to be a lesbian.”
What the fuck are these dragonflies planning? You guys aren’t concerned that there’s like a weird number of dragonflies just following you around?[pretending to know the warmth of joy] “Hahaha. Probably government surveillance. We’re all having fun for now!” [in a spooky manner] Spoooooky.
Ah abandoned train station, huh?[also spooky] Spoooooky.
I’m just trying to set the mood, guys.[moody, like a pubescent youth] “I like to look out at the landscape near this abandoned train station… think about murder.” [bad lesbian impersonation] “I’m running down here cuz I’m a spunky lesbian! Ha ha! Look this water’s fresh enough to drink!” [girl who’s enthusiatic about diarrhea] “That’s a great way to get dysentery!” [not even attempting a voice] “I love dysentery!”
S-Sip it up! No she put it down. Damn it we got that close to getting this bitch off the Oregon Trail. She’s been ruining the trip. You know what I mean? Look at him he’s still holding his belt. The fuck’s wrong wi– I hope he dies first.
There’s like a weird background song now. Let’s just turn that up for a minute. That background music’s great, ah.
Still holding his belt alright. We’ll see how that pans out for him later. Does he just want people to focus on the area around his crotch? That’s weird cuz he’s clearly wet himself. I know she was–[interrupting a though for important mock laughter] “Hahaha! We all see where you peed.” [belt moron] “I didn’t pee! This is just sweat from my penis. My penis was sweating [belt moron’s gay lover] I heard him pee, I saw him do it.” [belt moron] “Shut up.”
That’s what was going on there.[fred from scooby doo] “Well guys I guess it’s time we get out of this creepy forest without being murdered by something” [no one] “I agree”
This is the fucking worst episode of Scooby-Doo I’ve ever seen. You’re supposed to start off with the mystery, guys. And then the Mystery
Machine rolls up and there’s none of this fucking playing around in the woods shit, ok? Maybe later when they’re getting chased by a spooky ghost or something…
Facing north-northwest, it’s fine. My, my Casio is good. Uh-oh. The music all changed. It’s not happy fun times now. Bet you regret bringing up
Stand by Me now, don’t you? It was Cujo the whole time or some other, s’mother scary book Stephen King wrote.
Stop kicking that guy in the ass, you fucking weird– Clearly covering up for his desire to fuck this dude. This is like a gay and lesbian retreat except not everybody here knows they’re gay yet.[mocking the poor meteorlogical skills of children] Oh no, rain but it’s it’s dark and cloudy! Oh man, could you believe it would rain? I guess, let’s walk slowly back to the camp. I mean you’re already way out there so it’s whatever. [curious moron] “What’s up?” [every one in a horror movie] There’s a house up there where the camp is supposed to be! Let’s break into it and make ourselves at home. [sarcasm] Hey that’s smart. That’s never gone poorly for anybody before.
“Hey, the gates wide open must mean it’s a free house!”
It is a big house. I mean, you’re not gonna find it weird that there’s a large European mansion with gargoyles… out in the middle of the woods
in Japan? That’s not strange to you guys? Yeah, I guess just don’t think about it too much. Oh now it’s really raining so we have to rush. I guess the lightning was dangerous too, you know. Lightning does strike the gayest thing in the area, so those guys are in real danger.
Hey look it’s unlocked don’t knock or anything you fucking freak! Just because it’s unlocked doesn’t mean you should open it.[future criminal] Anybody here?
Oh, look at that he just closed it he didn’t go in. Just wait out the storm on the steps you…[totally not gay dude] “Me? Oh, I can’t go in there my penis is way too big. Isn’t that right guy that I’m totally not gay for?” [his sad, downtrodden twink] “That’s right I’ve seen it multiple times you keep showing me.”
See what I’m saying? He’s dragging him off to a bathroom. Those two are gay– wait, is that one guy the only one that doesn’t have anybody to be gay with? Oh, he’s like the youth group minister that’s trying to convince them all to stop being so gay. Maybe that’s what it is.
Well they have a microwave so it can’t be too bad. Why is he holding his belt? What’s the belt for?
Hey look, something’s cooking! Is it people?[terrified gay criminal] Ah! There’s a pot! On the stove!
Listen… listen shaggy. Can’t have you– Did he just passed out from being so gay? What’s going on with this kid? Apparently there was recently someone smoking ciga– Oh that’s a reason to leave right there. The rusty fucking rape door from World War Two Japan. You know? Might want to get out of there. Nobody gonna stay with the women to protect them in case somebody finds them first I guess. Well that’s good planning for you. This is just a Christian parable hentai isn’t it? It definitely is. This is trying to teach people that being gay isn’t right and that you should convert to Christianity.
Wait is the– hey guy there pool balls clacking around behind you! Yeah, people like to get freaky in their sex dungeon, you w– don’t go in there! Why would you try that handle? Who would look into that room and go “that’s a room I need to go into alone!” The fuck? No wonder these kids are gonna die. I don’t know when they’re gonna die or when anybody’s titties are gonna come out, you know…[preacher man] “Hey, could you stop being a sassy Dyke for two fucking seconds and just answer the question. Why you lookin’ incredulous all the time? I get it you read a fucking, you know, you read you some feminist literature. Okay just answer the que– we’re just trying to find her, all right? You guys are still going to hell after this…”
Oh no! Some kind of bug! … Oh, oh, okay okay. This… okay.. things have changed. I feel like we skipped a couple scenes. No no no
no don’t fade out on that. What the fuck? How did we end up in this situation? What kind of bug was that?
He’s not a convincing Fred.[dumb scared girl] “Aa-uhh! There’s bugs in her vagina” [preach] “Hey, it’s just me. Don’t worry about it.”
There’s just… you guys were just in a room. You could see the living room from here. It’s like a shitty cabin that your rent for a large family get-together.
“Uh-huh yes, so she’s tied up and a centipede crawled in her vagina?”
“No, it was some kind of a grub.”[indignant] “Look I’m not a bug doctor or whatever so I don’t know the difference.”
Uh-huh okay ah this is terrifying.
Where’d she go? It’s a good question. Why were you guys just reading manga and doing coloring books in fucking somebody else’s house? Oh no the handle won’t open. There you go bump it! Oh why is there a peephole on the door.
Okay are you gonna get the bug out of her vagina? There’s a bug in there you should get… grab it, grab the bug, yeah. Get it out of there! Yank it out of there! Part of her body might come with it so don’t do it too fast. We don’t really know what the situation is here. She
could be dead already.
Yeah, oh, good. That’s fine, she’s okay. Don’t just throw it against the wall. Step on it! I know it’, uh, weirdly large but… hey… No no no no, you’re untied idiot. Stop screaming. Put the gag back on her until she calms down. The last thing you need is a hysterical woman. you pull a giant grub out of her vagina and then she starts giving you, giving you the business.[filled with joy] Oh look a nice picture of a duck. [no longer filled with joy] Oh. Now we don’t get to see the picture of the duck anymore. [moody lesbian] “Hey. I heard screaming! What’s going on in here? Was there a giant grub crawling into her vagina?”
That’s… that’s horror. That’s terror. [the ambrosia shipment is returned to the people]
Oh man. Hey, why don’t you we’re not worried about the bug anymore? Why was the bug why was she tied up? Who put the bug there? Where’d they get the bug?
Oh no lightning! Now it’s extra scary. The lights are still on, it’s fine don’t worry about it. Guys they couldn’t figure out how to animate darkness. Oh no the doors!
“We’re trapped in here with someone who wants to put bugs in our vaginas! It’s the worst–“
Hey, what about those two gay guys in the kitchen? Are they are they doing stuff yet? Oh it’s getting spooky guys anything can happen in this well-lit Western house where people just end up with bugs in their vaginas and stuff.
Hey it’s those guys! They got big dicks! Wow! … Uh-oh… Alright, I mean, if you’re gonna get killed by somebody, she’s kinda hot…
No, not… nevermind. Taking that back. I spoke way too soon on that. Oh boy did I overspend. I shouldn’t have done that I over-extended there and I regret it.[belt moron] “Hey, want to have sex or something? I noticed you got a knife. ha ha! That’s pretty hot too. You could poke me a little with the knife while we fuck!”
I don’t think he’s appreciating the gravity of the situation, you know what I mean? If she looked better this– look at his dick. It’s just so much penis. Oh she’s taking her pants off! Hey, this is going surprisingly– ok… weird way to take your shirt off. I guess she’s got plenty of those though, that’s the only reason you’d do that.
Her boobs are fake. This might be a transgendered individual and by that I mean a person who got their dick cut off and this is the only way anybody will fuck them so they’re doing a kind of a thing.
Uh-oh. Hey… what… okay okay. The knife thing was just measuring the length… I guess. That’s fine. I just feel like those boobs are a
little st-[wheezing laugh] Those boobs are a little stiff.
Hey hey, his boyfriend is right across the room. Maybe this is like a thing they do though cuz he seems way into it. This guy’s sense of danger is– like, clearly he’s conflicted, at least, the guy on the other side.
Okay, I mean he is just way too confident considering he passed out in a kitchen and now he’s tied up in a weird room full of lights with a chick with a knife. Those were normal looking boobs from the side, actually interesting looking ones.[power top] “Don’t you put that guy’s dick in your mouth that’s– my dick first I paid good money for this.”
He’s about to get stabbed or something. You’re making her mad dude she has a knife and stuff. Wait he really hates that guy. They’re having a lover’s spat. Whoa whoa whoa, hey it’s getting awkward! She’s… her face’s doing a lot of twitching.
Uh oh! Yeah! Yeah cut him! Yeah! Aww, why are you cutting away? Isn’t that why we’re here? Heh heh, she stabbed him. She sucked his dick a little then stabbed him. I feel like this could have gone a different way if he didn’t make it all weird. You know what I mean? You didn’t have to try to sell your friend down the river. You could have just been like “I’ll just take the blow job and then we can go, I mean frankly…”
Just leaving him there huh? Well, I… oh okay.[the right reverend fre] Oh… oh, that douche bag’s sunglasses. He missed his is 3 o’clock pray away the gay meeting. We’re gonna have to go find him and teach him not to be so gay. Everybody here just keeps being more gay that’s why I’m the only one who’s safe. This is clearly a test from God” [later] “Hey guys, you’re not doing anything gay are you? I noticed there’s a weird 70s fireplace in the middle of the room guys I’m alarmed. Suddenly the decor is updating from sort of post Victorian to the 70s. It’s gonna get worse before it gets better. I don’t
know if we’ll make it through the 80s”
Wait why are you guys all together, what’s happening? Oh okay. His dicks in the blood. Nice. Wait, where did they run to? They keep trying to sneak off and do gay stuff. This guy tried to pretend way too late that he wasn’t gay when the test from God about the blowjob came and all he could do is talk about his little boyfriend so he got stabbed again. Clearly this is full of biblical references. Remember the stairway to
heaven that they talked about in the Bible? Or a song… was one of those. I don’t remember but it probably was the Bible, you know what I mean? You know something about that and so this is clearly allegorical. They probably shouldn’t be alone in the room where she became suddenly tied up and had a bug in her vagina. I… I’m not an expert but I feel like that’s a bad place to just hang out. Maybe stick together.
Nobody’s sad that he’s dead stop that… nobody should… Look this guy’s not sad.
He’s just like “that’s just what happens, you just get your comeuppance you know what I mean? You deny the glory of God that’s just how it goes.”
Hey listen where, where’s the other one? Where’s your lesbian? I– we established a gay and lesbian buddy system for this entire trip. Guys, you gotta–
Okay well we know where that is that’s just in the kitchen. He knows where that is so he can get to that in time. See now she’s gonna try some immersion therapy to make these two less gay. I don’t think that… Did that chick have black hair before? A i misremembering that? I feel like the black haired one was the one in the purple dress. He’s really just… no, that, that is the purple dress one right? How did she
get kidnapped? How, wh… how do people keep getting… There you go just lick this vagina. Hey, he’s already seen somebody get murdered so uh this is
just– Look Oh pubes gross.
This is, look guys, this is just to try to turn your lives around. You’re gonna be so much happier after this retreat. I don’t know that putting a boot heel up his ass is gonna get him off the gay though. I think that might just put him a little deeper in there.
Do you like the taste? “Yes I do it’s fine I love Jesus, this tastes like Jesus”
Blep blep blep. Blep.
I mean he really turned a corner on this whole situation quickly. He must be their, their star pupil at this gay conversion camp. Weirdly not the title. It’s not the title. Uh this is awkward. Understandable. He’s blindfolded and she’s tied up on a rope so trying to figure out how to get that in there is gonna take some work.
Huh is she crying through the blindfold or is that coming out of her mouth? Oh look at those balls. Man that was– Whoa! Uh-oh there’s no impregnating because that’s not right with the Lord, you know? You got to be married. No children out of wedlock around here. This is all lining up pretty nicely with like a weird, you know, metaphorical gay conversion therapy kind of show.
That thing’s wrecked it started out looking okay but now it’s kind of a mess. He’s real tired give him a minute, jeez. I feel like that chick is you know she’s making a lot of use of knockout gas. I think that’s the only way this is really working. I’m still not entirely sure how she’s maneuvering people and getting them tied up. What was with the fucking M.C. Escher stairs in the corner there? They’re playing alarming music. Why don’t you guys stay together? Stop telling people to stay in one place.
Now he’s just looking for people well… it’s like maniac mansion but with more sex. Yeah the rape dungeon! That’s where people might be! Ah! Don’t go in there man stay at the door just say “hey it’s me, scream if you’ve been raped” and she did so we know she has. hey maybe don’t go in
the sex dungeon, I’m just, you know what I mean. I’m not trying to be mean I’m just saying, maybe that just… you’re gonna have to leave her there for a little while while you figure this out, you know? Maybe have some people wait outside the door with the door open and you back up looking at them the entire time and they look at you so they can see anything. I mean I’m just trying to, I’m just trying to have this make sense, you know what I mean? Like you guys got to think about this. You’re in a life-or-death situation here. Somebody’s already been murdered you gotta, you gotta take this seriously from now on. You can’t just keep wearing wrist sweatbands like it’s the 90s and you’re in a Walkman commercial, okay? Sport Walkman commercial, I’m sorry. But still the point stands.
Yeah yeah you were raped, lady. There’s still stuff going on we’re gonna need you to move past that, okay? That’s right, that’s what she needs right now, male contact. That’s gonna make her feel a lot better about the rape she just experienced.
Hey you just stand here naked, I’m gonna leave you alone and go over here for no reason when I could have just brought you into this room so you couldn’t be kidnapped. Okay, I mean he’s still dead… for now. Yeah, there you go you’re gonna get revenge. I like the mushroom stuff on the wall. Yeah check the doors. Don’t wrap her up in the stuff, the doors… ah nope still locked. Maybe go give her the fucking thing, guy.
You’re really telling me it’s not an important thing to just go get a big thing to smash… that’s all it was locking it shut? It wasn’t like stuff going into the top and bottom that you couldn’t do anything about, it’s just a lock? Just smash the lock, dickhead. What the fuck are you guys doing? Don’t walk around the fucking place wrapping women in sheets as they get raped. This is not a plan. Yeah let’s just knock and I hope she’s in here not dead or raped. What are you fucking stupid? Is the- is the bug in your vagina again?
Oh okay. She does have help so we’ve got that established. Yeah, get that- get that good shoulder sex. Yeah boy. Gonna rub the bottom of my penis on your shoulder till I come. It’s gonna take several hours, especially because it’s raining and cold outside.
Okay, I mean maybe you guys shouldn’t have come here. I don’t know. I noticed all these potentially gay people are being forced into heterosexual situations– Oh she’s just chillin’ out there. Bars on the window and shit.
“Hey excuse me could you just let her go? We’d like to leave now. We didn’t mean to come into your house. I mean we did but we asked– well it’s not like we ate your food or nothing”
That guy’s muscular. No… can you not bite? I feel like your jaw still actuates with one of those. Or maybe it’s the kind that go back behind the teeth. So yeah that’s probably what’s going on there. It’s one of those with the thing behind the teeth. That’s smart. That’s good thinking, you know? She’s planning ahead. I don’t know why those guys are wearing padded handcuffs just for, just for style I guess.
Yep this is where she explains to them that this is all part of the gay conversion camp.[lesbian] It’s okay to be a lesbian!
“It’s not okay to be a lesbian but you still shouldn’t rape them!” is what the guy in the back said.[formerly gay man] “Hey guys, I just got done raping some people I’m on her side now so… really not super sorry about the rape but…”
What? Oh no there– wait wait what? Where’d they go? I mean she could have just walked anywhere in the time that we were talking to that guy. That little strappy thing those guys are wearing, it’s just, it’s just real dumb looking. You know I guess it’s, I don’t know if this… it’s supposed to be kind of a cockring situation. It’s weird it’s like they’re wearing strap-on clothing. Yeah that’s what they’re doing. They’re
wearing strap-on harnesses without the strap ons. That’s smart. That’s good. That’s just good use of equipment for setting the scene. You know she wants them to understand that they’re in a rape mansion.
I love the mouth cutouts, you know, it’s fantastic. What if somebody figures out that they’re way into this? I feel like that’s probably what happened to the little squiggly boy in the room there. He’s like hey guys I did raping and I’m way into and it turns out, so I’m gonna just live
here from now on.
Yeah almost done just give it a second. Who are these guys? Muscular ask for a frame there. Tat was super cool of ’em to throw some muscular
ass our way. Alright there you go and then we’re gonna just come towards the front of the mask, I guess. Did he have instructions to do it that way? They were like “hey, no coming in the vaginas because again… premarital sex is a sin” and that’s apparently the end of the show.
They really hard cut across two episodes. No resolution for this one see. That was spooky. I thought maybe there were gonna be ghosts or something but there weren’t any ghosts. It started off nice. Everybody, I mean obviously those guys just when “Oh strangers have come into the house! Quick let’s all get in our rape gear and kidnap and rape and… what happens after that? You know like did they let those guys go?
I guess she already murdered one of them so so fair to assume that they’re not gonna get to leave. It’s probably fine. Well I mean that was uh was interesting. I, I feel like they made a lot of the classic horror movie mistakes of literally splitting up into groups of one and I guess when other people were in groups of two they just fell asleep and then woke up and the other people were gone and they didn’t really notice. I don’t know it’s best not to think about it. Tey probably didn’t think too much about it. They just went and then they get kidnapped because it’s, uh, that needs to happen for the rape. Yeah well that’s that one guys. Spoooooky. I want to try to find a ghost one or something for the
next one see how that goes. Alright thanks for watching.