The Best and Worst Christmas Hentai Doujin

It’s the most wonderful time of the year. With boobs jingle belling and thicc lolis telling you to be in good cheer.

So let’s fucking take a look at my entirely subjective best and worst erodoujin that center around Christmas. I mean, I’m really hoping that I find something that really makes the bottom of the barrel feel proud of itself.

I guess we’ll find out. So let’s dream of muscular Santas and see what I find when I go diving into the vast sea of Christmas erodoujin. And we’re going to need strong Christmas theming! None of this “this doujin takes place on December 24th bullshit.”

The Best: Santa is Coming

Santa AND the Crusades? Deus vult!

Well, I ended up taking a long time because I have exacting standards, but I figured this would be as good a time as any to feature an artist I really like who is obsessed with ToHeart, of all things, and Hoshina Tomoko in particular. Santa is Coming by tsuina from Comiket 93 hits all the right Christmas notes: tsuina’s beautiful art, weird, unexplained transformations into Santa Claus, nuns, comedy. Now, maybe I’m remembering ToHeart wrong because I haven’t played it in over a decade, but I don’t remember the magical transforming angle.

Now, when I say tsuina is obsessed with Hoshina Tomoko, I want to make it clear that I mean obsessed. He’s been drawing her since 2000. That’s some fucking waifu dedication. Just try to ignore the Bobby Hill neck on page 14 and you’re in for a good time. While the story is maybe a bit on the light side, the art more than makes up for it, unless you’re repulsed by the idea of taking a couple of loads off Santa. No idea why anyone would have a problem with that premise. Or why Hiroyuki turned into him. CHRISTMAS!

This is about milk and cookies.

A side note: If I allowed proper eromanga here, I’d have pointed to a couple of solid Comic LO loli comics: Hug me Tight for a fun illicit story and Uchi no Santa Chan for sheer awful greatness. Also Christmas no Kiseki if you’re into that gaaaaay shit.

OH! And best Santa award goes to Futanari Santa Duo!which almost got the top spot, but I decided to take my ranking seriously. I regret it.

The Worst: Okki na Oppai

This seems right.

There were plenty of options for the worst, honestly. There was the glorious yaoi version of Japan’s obsession with dark-skinned Santas. There was an old, incredibly lazy Asuka from Evangelion book. Then there was the OTHER old, incredibly lazy Asuka from Evangelion book. But those were all too subtle for you, dear readers. And Okki na Oppai by Run is maybe one of the least subtle things I’ve ever seen. There’s no way you miss the quality in this book.

Listen, I want to make it clear that I’m not an anatomy snob, not really. As long as things are basically in shouting distance, I’ll let it go… but Jesus fucking Christ. Her arm… guys, her fucking arm curves at the wrist to get around her boobs. This is clearly like… it’s some sort of evolutionary adaptation, right? Why is her head so small? Why is her torso still going at the bottom of the boobs? Who the fuck made that sweater? If we animated her putting that cup up to her mouth, she’d have to pull it out around her boob. There’s just a plate with lettuce on it.

This is Santa now.

I could translate this. I could. It’s not even complex dialogue. But that would take time out of my life and I just refuse to do it. Look at this fucking picture on the right. That is a creature that wants to die. She wants to be put out of her misery.

This is what Christmas is all about. Just go click through it. Go ahead. Try to make sense of the world that this doujin takes place in. You can’t do it. That world is filled with madness and cruelty that our own could never hope to understand. And then, somewhere in the haze of it all, you’ll realize these rubber creatures are smiling. They are happy and you are miserable. How can this be but for the blessings of a mysterious ghost from the north. A jolly granter of wishes and his most special day. That’s right, kids. It was Santa all along. And this realization brings peace to your heart and a smile to your face. That’s the spirit of Christmas you’re feeling.

You’re welcome.

2
Leave a Reply

avatar
1 Comment threads
1 Thread replies
0 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
2 Comment authors
Onii-chanPancakesGuy Recent comment authors
  Subscribe  
newest oldest
Notify of
PancakesGuy
PancakesGuy

I made the sweater onii-chan. I admit it. I just wanted to help a cripple, on Christmas is that so bad?

Scroll Up