Madoka Magica versus the Blowjob Dinosaur

Well, we’ve finally gotten to this point. Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magica is a pretty popular series, that almost goes without saying. And the hentai side of the world has produced many a doujin extolling the virtues of just about every pairing and fetish you could ever hope to enjoy.

Every. Single. Fetish. Jesus, what am I doing with my life? Something amazing, obviously. Let’s dive on. Because there’s not just one, there’s two. Two futanari erodoujin featuring what I will insist is the best goddamn character ever conceived by man: Fellatiosaurus.

Prepare your body.

Fellatiosuarus VS Mahou Shoujo Zenpen

Life, uh… finds a way. *smacks lips*

Now, I know what you’re thinking, “Futanari? Fellatiosaurus? I’m confused, Onii-chan. What are we going to do on the bed?” All of those are legitimate concerns. And don’t worry. I was confused at first too. I came to the table thinking “Surely the dinosaur fucks them.” You’re wrong there.

I’ll info dump the doujin. This was released for Mou Nani mo Kowakunai 26, a Madoka Magica event that’s been going on since 2011. Both books were drawn by Kyuusuikei, who does branch out from Madoka Magica with some Girls und Panzer work and a few others.

I guess I’ll just let the doujin do the explaining. As you’d expect, man is toying with forces beyond his comprehension. A magic power furnace (containment unit?) explodes on a tropical island and WOULDN’T YA KNOW IT, there’s a dinosaur fossil there. The magic gets absorbed into the dinosaur fossil (Bingo, DINO DNA!). As you’d expect, the dinosaur becomes a being that feeds on magical energy to survive. This leads to bigger questions. The most obvious: What is the best source of magical energy in the known universe?! You already know the answer to that.

Gotta keep those dicks ready.

Magical girl semen. Obviously.

Cue the John Williams score then we’re right into a little profile page of the futa Madoka girls with their very upward facing cocks out. Possibly a magic-related situation, that. Now, easily my favorite part of this entire doujin comes into play… Their dicks are just out. That splash page? That’s how they walk around. Just all the time.

Her sacrifice will not be forgotten.

So they’re going to the secret lab that’s hidden on the island and the girls are complaining that they’ve been walking forever. They’re discussing routes when, OH NO! Fellatiosaurus attacks! The girls flee and Mami decides she’ll be the one to take it on! She doesn’t want to, but god damnit, everyone’ll die if she doesn’t! So noble.

Her dick is immediately bitten by the Fellatiosaurus. Yeah, it’s literally the next panel. They want to save her but Kyuubee says she was dead with the first blow (ha). Tearfully they abandon their obviously useless compatriot. Making camp, they complain to Kyuubee that he didn’t specify that the dangerous thing on the island was a dinosaur.

Tragic.

Miki, being retarded, decides to go pee alone… Yeah. It goes, and I cannot state this enough, LITERALLY exactly how you’d expect. I mean, come on Miki. There’s a fucking blowjob-o-saurus roaming around. You pee on your friends like a normal pervert.

BUT WAIT! This story won’t be so tragic. In spite of being sucked to bliss several times by the Fellatiosaurus, she’s saved! Sakura has come! And she’s got a phallic weapon! Presumably the only defense against blow job crazed dinosaurs that change size at random!

NOPE! Instantly bites her dick. Jesus Christ. We creep dangerously close to vore for a page then it’s back to Miki running for her life. The dinosaurs have multiplied and she’s quickly caught again. Back to camp where Kyuubee calmly assesses the situation. He offers a magical girl contract to Homura who hastily accepts, saying she’ll protect Madoka. END BOOK ONE.

Fellatiosaurus VS Mahou Shoujo Chuuhen

Could be dead. Hard to say.

Volume two! What luck. We check back in with Mami and Sakura. Looks like Mami has surrendered to the tyrant lizards. Sakura’s putting in a valiant effort. We gloss over it and head back to Kyuubee and his wards. We’re at the underground lab. Mami and Sakura have been taken here by the cocksuckasauruses. Why? Doesn’t matter. Miki’s not here, though. Might be dead.

She’s not. Well, not when we check in on her anyway. It sort of fades out over there. No one ever dies on a fade out anymore.

She seems surprised doing nothing failed to work.

Anyway, Homura. That’s the important thing. She’s on the scene now at the lab! Why are there so many dinosaurs? I thought there was only one. Kyuubee’s got answers! It’s been a month since he checked. Musta been more of them got magic juice. Yeah. Makes sense. No need for trust issues! Plus! SHE’S GOT A GUN! YEAH! TIME TO KILL SOME DINOSUCKS!

WRONG! Not even a shot. Doesn’t even aim the fucking thing at them.

But she has a plan! She’ll climb over their heads! Also doesn’t work. They just keep going. Can’t be comfortable, but they’re prehistoric penis monsters, so I doubt they’re bothered by awkward angles. They lick her dick a bunch, then, OH NO! THE BIG ONE’S BACK! … Is… is that more dangerous? Is that bad? Seems to be.

Such power?!

Kyuubee just watches then hops back over to Madoka to try to get her signed up for his Multi-Level Marketing team. A spurned former recruit, Miki, returns and chops him in the head with some unseen object. It’s Miki! She’s alive! And she says she’ll save everyone!

And then it ends. This episode was from Mou Nani mo Kowakunai 28, and 29 just happened in June and I don’t think part 3 got released, so I guess we’re all stuck waiting for the thrilling conclusion.

I know I’m waiting with bated breath to see if literally any magical girl ever manages to do much as slow down one of the Fellatiosauruses. I have my doubts, but Miki seems confident. Like… she got away from them. Maybe they just get bored after a while. Or maybe if you cum enough, they just get physically ill? No idea. Weird they left this whole incident out of the anime, though.

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PancakesGuy

I kinda wish this was the actual show.