F2P Review: Nutaku Clicker Games, Worst to Best

I wanted to do a review of some clicker/idler games, but I realized fairly quickly that the substance most of them had to offer didn’t give me a ton to talk about. As a result, I’m just going to do smaller reviews of all Nutaku’s clicker games from worst to best.

There’s a sort of balance to good clicker games that makes itself fairly apparent. You’re supposed to be willing and able to step away from them for periods of time to allow things to build up, and when you come back, you should be able to do SOMETHING. That coupled with an hour or two ramp up at the beginning of the game with stuff to do typify the genre and the best entries make this basically rewarding and engaging.

Essentially, these are games to come back to over the course of the day and then less and less over time. This leads to one of the common downfalls of the type and that’s the massive reduction in reward as you go along and the depreciating reasons to bother returning. That tends to incentivize some questionable gimping of later stages to get people to buy boosts, but that’s somewhat expected. Now, since I spent way more of my life playing these than I’m happy with, let’s get to reviewing.

The Worst – Taps of Eradine

Just generally unpleasant on the eyes.

Worst is always going to be a subjective measurement, but while Taps of Eradine has some fun writing in places, the writing all but disappears after two or three minutes of tutorial stages and the grind begins. The user interface is cluttered, sluggish, and far too busy. Further, it’s done in a sort of comic-book style that seems to have nothing to do with the setting at all. Honestly, the amount of lag in the game is somewhat insane. I have a computer capable of streaming AAA games at 1080p60 and I regularly had hitching in just standard gameplay.

The gameplay itself is barren, with very little hiding behind the flashy, overdone UI. You have Nymphs who eventually turn into girls that you can, presumably, see naked. However, the first Nymph will more than overpower just about any of the others you can buy for a significant portion of the game. It’s your standard unlock pattern. Get the cheaper ones, then buy the next and on and on, however the power levels don’t go up or accrue in the manner you’d expect. I would need literal days worth of gold to get any of my secondary Nymphs upgraded to the point of being worth replacing my first.

Get used to this screen

There’s very little satisfaction in the battles with no interesting visuals for the attacks, slow animations, and just nothing particularly worth sticking around for on that side of things. You barely register accruing gold or moving from one fight to the next, largely due to the extremely busy environment art and brightly colored UI that takes up the bulk of the screen without giving you anything to do with those UI elements most of the time. The art is definitely an acquired taste. So much of what ends up on Nutaku gives me the feeling of early 2000s stuff you’d find on /b/ of a bored night looking for Ruined Childhood threads. It’s not bad necessarily, this art. The coloring is good for sure. But visually, it’s mostly unappealing and the idea of defurrying a series of boring Pokemon isn’t my idea of a good time. Just me, maybe.

Even Nutaku’s users seem to agree, with the game constantly at the bottom of the rankings. It’s obtuse, unrewarding, and the nudity, while not the most important part, seems to be buried miles down into the trash pile of this game.

The Cure for Insomnia – Fap Titans

The gist of it.

Perhaps Fap Titan’s most egregious crime is being basically boring. If you put it up alongside other clicker/idler games on a site like Kongregate, it would look like it was up there among the best. And that’s fine. But most clickers are unengaging. And so it is with Fap Titans. You add “heroes” which have no discernible visual effect on anything. You can click on them to look at the art, which is acceptable, nice even by the standards of this sort of game. But that’s about the end of it. You get some American anime-style art that’s not quite great and not quite bad. Sexy enough to be serviceable, but beyond that, you end up looking around for what’s supposed to be worth your time in this game as an erotic clicker.

This video is 9 seconds long.

There’s nothing really. The scantily clad ladies and occasional nipples seem to be about the only differentiator at play. There are animations that take massive amounts of time and active effort to unlock after the first, a weird feeling when you consider how clickers are supposed to be pickup and put down affairs. There are plenty of tabs to click, the now-required rebirth system in place but for the most part it’s a never-ending procession of generic fantasy enemies to fight. But the real-time ranking system means you’re competing with people to see the “animations” behind the girls that have them.

It might hold some people’s attention, but not mine. Clearly it does well in the rankings overall, with it spiking up to the top row of Nutaku overall throughout the day, but it’s lacking as a clicker game. At least it hasn’t given over to the AdVenture Capitalist type of games. That’s faint praise, though.

The Dead Horse – Crush Crush

Old Maid of the Porn Idler scene.

A classic which first appeared on (I think) Kongregate in February of 2016 before heading to Steam and Nutaku later that year. This version’s uncensored, which is the big reason you might want to play it on Nutaku over the other services. Extra characters and a bit of nudity are certainly worth the price of admission (ha), but the game does drag a good deal on the first few runs.

It’s not a bad clicker by any stretch of the imagination. It has some decent humor on offering, though the character on display is pretty shallow by modern expectations and it’d be nice to see the “dating sim” add more in the way of scenes. Not likely to happen at this point, but that’s fine. Aside from the UI feeling dated, everything is fairly straightforward. You raise your skills and earn money to woo the… female… creatures… on offer. Most of them are human women. As you’d expect. At least 90%.

I worked not-very-hard for this.

The art is maybe the weakest point of the game in general. American anime-style stuff that doesn’t really close in on the quality of the material it’s aiming for. While it’s definitely not necessarily a mood killer, you’ll want to come into this one patiently since it can really drag, especially on the clicking front. Leveling up the girls requires an amount of hearts, the easiest way of earning them is clicking. Otherwise you’ll need to spend on gifts or dates. Dates being the most cost effective.

I’ll say that this game carries with it a small amount of novelty and that’s made it an enduring title among the clicker game genre at large, but the drip feed is a little too slow for the reward you get back out of it. If you want to make a significant dent, you’re going to need to dedicate something like weeks into the game rather than days. That’s a hefty ask for having to deal with the shortcomings as a piece of erotic fun. On its own, the game is definitely worthy of its place as a mainstay clicker, but when you’re looking for perverse fun, it falls down.

The Ugly and Ambitious – Fake Lay

She’s either part baboon or needs antibiotics.

Fake Lay is… well… it’s hard to look at from a character art standpoint. I don’t begrudge them that, but it’s got this 90s-teen-drawing-sexy-cartoon-girls look about it and that makes for a really, really mixed bag of results at the end of the day.

You start off doing the Fake Taxi thing and build yourself a porn empire that also seems to involve owning multiple small businesses around the city for money. The trappings of why and how you get the resources in these games is pretty frivolous, so I’m not going to harp on it for being a bit obtuse in that sense. At least it bothered, I guess? Not that anyone would really mind either way. Click to get things, take the things, trade them for levels.

Not out of place in a 9th grade notebook.

Same deal. This time you’re recording various stages of a porno with girls you pick up off the street. So really, it’s a San Fernando Valley simulator with more self-confidence. Heyooooo. … No?

Anyway, the game, aside from being horrible to look at, focuses on the erotic parts more than literally any of the games to this point and that’s what plops it up higher. The theme is well-integrated and it’s the sort of thing I expect when a game says “porno cookie clicker” on the metaphorical box. There’s plentiful nudity and a wide range of girls to unlock so pretty much everyone’s going to get something they want should they play the game long enough. Which is less of a bother because things progress fairly smoothly and stepping away from the game doesn’t feel like it’s going to cost you. Returning usually leaves you with a bit to do, though resets are a bit slow to come, so it’s not exactly perfection on that front. Still, if the style doesn’t put you off, the gameplay is strong and there’s decent meat and variety in what you can do as time goes on.

The Tragically Flawed – Attack on Moe H

The battles are pretty visually satisfying.

I’m incredibly torn about how exactly to score Attack on Moe H since it’s got the best art of the lot and definitely has all of the trappings you’d expect of a clicker. Tons of side characters, fun little one-off spells to cast, and a wide cast of collectible girls with real benefits and a nice reborn system that lets you keep a nice amount of stuff and really rewards returning to the game after leaving it for a bit.

The problems are a bit less obvious. The first, the game seems to save at certain points and has no offline accrual. At least in my testing that was the case. I did not accrue offline gold at all and returned to the game in the last state I saved without any bonuses or advancement whatsoever. That’s trouble for a game on a porn site that I might want to pick up and put down for large portions of the day. Or maybe I just don’t want to be burning my computer’s resources to farm things when I could let that happen in the background. Which… might not be what the game’s creators had in mind anyway. The second runs along the same vein, you really need to be present to get the most out of the game.

She’s panting because she went for a run.

Clicking, unlike most other games you’ll play, is far and away the most powerful way to push through the game. An autoclicker and free time will get you deeper into this game than any other method. Another problem if you’re planning to run it in the background since you’ll lose the use of your mouse to the autoclicker while you’re trying to level. Likewise, this being a browser game, things can get VERY unstable running an autoclicker at a high rate on a Unity WebGL embed inside just about any browser for long periods of time. To further complicate things, a fairy comes out at regular intervals holding a chest with scaled value money, hearts to up your ero meter with the Moe monster girls, and gems to make purchases.

In short, you HAVE to be present for this game. In a somewhat vexing turn, the only thing that really refreshes over longer periods while offline are the ero meter hearts. Those being crucial, for sure, but not nearly so much as the ability to advance my character. Maybe more time with the game would make me see it differently somehow, but as it stands, the game is great. Would be a stand-out idler, but it’s not for idling. It’s for clicking. It’s tragic. Like I said.

 

The Best – Fap CEO

Standard American office life.

The most recent clicker on Nutaku as far as I’m aware. There are a few novel conceits in Fap CEO and the game is well put together in how it approaches your need to be present for the game, however, some mechanics make those conceits a bit troublesome.

Let’s start with the good, though. The game bothers to give character to each of the girls by way of an e-mail communication system. You’re the boss of the cam studio and, as time passes you get replies you can spend getting to know the girls. Or more accurately, playfully asking them to fuck you. Repeatedly. Until they do. Lucky for you, this is pornland so the girls are all about fucking their boss which has never happened in real life ever even once.

E-mailing about legal matters.

Enough social commentary! You talk to the girls and when you get to the appropriate bit of the conversation, you offer them goodies you found locked in stage-prop chests to get them to go along with the sex. From a writing standpoint, the goodies don’t play into it at all. They’re just a random sort of defacto currency to use to advance those conversations. It’s a fun system and a new reply every hour gives you good reason to both put the game down and pick it back up. It’s fun, progresses at a decent pace that started to slow considerably around business rank 5 or 6 depending on how you spec things. I’d recommend speccing into offline multipliers at present.

The keys, sadly, are where we hit our first rub in this whole system. You need keys to open boxes to get items out. All well and good, but keys can be had (for free) in one of two ways. The first is a wheel you can spin for free once every two hours. This also drops time skips, timed output boosts, and permanent output boosts. A nice little bonus, but also an issue we’ll circle back around on. The other method is to click when the girls are doing their live shows. This gives you some fraction of their per second earning (or maybe full, not sure) and has a chance to give you keys. The chance is pretty low and a lot of both waiting and clicking are required if you want to farm them in this manner. It means you’ll be a bit stuck with a lot of the girls until you luck into keys or cave and buy them.

The Twitch IRL section.

The permanent bonuses are the other issue. If you luck into them, it makes progress smooth and reduces wait times to reasonable numbers considering the general pace of the early game. If you don’t luck into boosts, things start to drag pretty miserably and you’ll spend a lot of time checking, seeing you can’t really meaningfully advance, and slowly losing interest. Or you’ll spend some cash. It’s the way all clicker games go eventually, but a bit sad when there’s actually a hook to keep you coming back, which Fap CEO has.

On the art side, it’s fine. Nothing special, occasionally awkward, but nothing out of line for this sort of game. It falls short of the western standard you’d look for out of something like HuniePop, but it’s a cut above most of the offerings. The writing is hit and miss. There’s some good characterization but the choices available to you after make it feel like the CEO was written to be a typical live-action porn protagonist and not the sort of person who might be playing the game. That’s a bit sad for me since the basic idea here is core to this whole enterprise. We pick a waifu, we want to talk to her in ways that make her like us. That is to say, we enthuse about her stuff because we’re enthused about her. The game misses here over and over. It’s a bit of a let down.

Overall, this is the best free clicker on Nutaku at the moment. Interesting conceit, decent mechanics, and some good little moments. If you like clickers and nudity, it’s definitely worth a bit of time if you dig the genre.

Final Thoughts

I’m not sure there’s much titillation to be had from an idle game. It’s an odd curiosity that there even are pornographic ones. The ones that thrive tend to do so on the back of their visual novel style content but even then they tend to be a tedious exercise in general. I wouldn’t knock people who like clicker games, but I definitely don’t relate to the appeal myself. It’s essentially an hour or day’s wait for ten seconds of gratitude in the upgrading of buildings.

Adding porn to that doesn’t really sweeten the value proposition either, especially not when the porn is even further delayed than the minor upgrades you get to do between waiting. Still, if we trend too far down the reductive reasoning scale, we’d never really have any genres other than eroanime. Obviously, that’s the highest bang for your buck and it gets the base need out of the way quickly.

I think though, even if we accept the idea that titillation is nice and games are a great place to add a bit of it, the idle games fail by and large to provide that. There’s not so much in the way of gameplay, but that’s a wider criticism of the genre. It could be argued that these games are essentially most Free to Play games laid bare. Removed of all the fluff that makes your inaction seem like action and putting all the buttons in your face while removing all the bells and whistles. But that beats at a bigger problem with them. The bells and whistles are what games are. We’re not really shooting or fighting, we’re clicking to get visual response. Idle games do away with that too much. And adding porn to them doesn’t really drive the excitement back in. That idea also goes a bit of a way toward explaining why I found Taps of Eradine to be the worst. The visual response was weak and unenjoyable.

At the end of basically four days playing these, I’m left feeling basically annoyed and pent up. None of it was satisfying, I feel like I accomplished nothing, and the porn wasn’t even very good.

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PancakesGuy
PancakesGuy

And here I thought playing Path of Exile was the epitome of mindlessly grinding. Porn clickers take it to a whole new level. Never been much of a fan of busy work. Porn in games is hard to do. I would say the most important thing to include in a porn game (besides good art because duh) is a story or some character development to forge an emotional connection. That’s something you don’t really get in standard porn. I like the idea of emails in Fap CEO for this reason, but from what you wrote up it seems like they… Read more »

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