Oh, I bet you weren’t expecting me back so soon! That’s right, Mischif no Snark [Ed. Note: Mischif who is decidedly not Onii-chan. Different people, guys.] is back without taking another twenty-seven-week hiatus! I’ve come across some more awesomeful doujins along my quest to fap to every piece of Twilight/Naruto fanfiction on the internets, and I’m sharing them here with you.
Up first is Pony-ON!, a K-ON doujin that begins a bit boringly with one girl, Yui, extolling the positives of the ponytail to her friend Mio:
This gives the friend Mio (who is apparently a songwriter, I don’t know, I’ve never read the manga/watched the anime) an idea for a song. As an aside, when I first read this I thought there was no way that Japanese pop music could actually be this saccharine and derivative, but then I remembered the Japanese put Pikachu on the side of one of their jumbo jets so all bets are off when when wondering what Japan can’t and won’t do.
Back to the story, Yui offers to tie a ponytail for Mio, but as it goes Mio just ends up getting hog-tied.
To quote one of my associates: “It be like that sometimes.” Mio tells Yui her nape is quite sensitive, causing Yui to make one of the most absurd images of being blindsided I’ve ever seen…
…before going all Chester-Molester on Mio. Much thigh-sucking and clit-rubbing occurs, until…
That’s right, this is a futa doujin! Yui just jams it in and comments on her lack of a hymen. Mio responds that she’s never had sex with a man, which means…
Awwww yeahhhh, there’s more than one! This new character Ricchan asks how Mio could cheat on her so soon, Mio responding with the question of whether or not she is oblivious to the ropes that have her bound more than David Carradine due to genetics. But then Ricchan decides she just doesn’t give a fuck anymore and decides to join in the fun – for SCIENCE! Mio gives Ricchan a wrong-hole warning, but when has that ever stopped anyone before?
After double-teaming Mio for what looks like five seconds, Ricchan and Yui give each other the thumbs up…
…and unleash an affirmative-action, we-can-do-it-if-we-work-together power-of-friendship tag-team, peppered with some of the most awkward, slightly unsettling, mildly-hilarious music euphemisms I’ve ever seen.
Everybody spurts at the same time, and afterwards we find out that this entire situation was just a ploy by someone who might be their manager to blackmail Mio into wearing whatever they wanted. I mean, there are probably easier ways to blackmail someone than having them hogtied and double-teamed by some J-pop dickgirls that make too many music euphemisms, but that’s just me.
Continuing on this route of unintentionally hilarious euphemisms, we come to Carefree Riders. We begin with the female Ikushima propositioning the protagonist Oono (who has a fuck-awful name btw, it’s like he should’ve been an enemy in Okami or something) to have sex with her. This is pretty much par for the course, but she is operating under some exceptionally terrible fuck-logic:
Of course, we find an ulterior motive behind her proposition:
He agrees, and we jump cut to them naked in a love hotel. She asks him why he agreed to go along with this (is “pussy” not good enough?), and he counters her terrible logic with some of his own…
He finally starts to get handsy, flips her over, and she initiates the ensuing torrent of horrible bike euphemisms:
Fuck noises ensue, along with more bike euphemisms.
They both come, he invites her on a road trip, and she seems to get unnecessarily defensive, like she thinks she’ll be replaced by the bike:
Madam, some advice: if I had to choose between sticking my dick in a heated-up bike and a heated-up woman, I’d take the woman every time. I’m pretty sure he would too, so you don’t have much to worry about until I figure out how to keep my fleshlight from melting inside my muffler.
And so we come to the end of another installment of Mischif no Snark! As always, comments, criticisms and crap comics to crack on are completely cool, so feel free to contribute in the comments!