For those of you who were hoping for a new Onii-Chan Theatre, it must suck to be you right now. For everyone else, welcome back to another installment of Mischif no Snark! I know I said I would change the name, but then I got to thinking, and I realized that slight as it may be, there’s still some brand equity in the name, and it would be foolish of me to just discard it. And I can’t think up witty titles to save my life. Anyway, I know it’s been a while, which is why I’m coming back with a three-fer of some of the most awfulsome doujins I’ve seen yet. Now, ON TO THE SNARK:
We begin with The Love Is Forbidden Swimming Club, where we find the protagonist getting chewed out by the swim club captain for a girl having the audacity to step out of the kitchen and ask him out. The captain decides that the best way to rectify this situation is to give him a blowjob. Neither I nor the protagonist are entirely sure what this is supposed to accomplish, but he’s getting his dick sucked so I don’t really think he cares.
She makes him cum and swallows like a champ, and he squeezes her clit till she comes in reciprocation. He flips her over and jams it in, and when he asks if he can come inside her she gives the okay because this time is “special”.
Fuck noises ensue and we are treated to a cumshot that looks like a water balloon being filled with expired milk.
He pulls out and starts fingerblasting her, which makes his fingers look like they’re covered in wallpaper paste:
And we find out that this apparently turns him on, as he gets in her for the next round. More fuck noises follow, and we find out that he has a name for fucking a chick after giving her a creampie:
Apparently sperm-dick becomes her new word-of-the-day, as it’s damn near the only thing she talks about until the end.
He blows another load, and afterwards finally decides to reject the random female’s advances. Who knew all it took was to be fucked by one girl to not care about another? Anyway, she suggests that if he just has to have a girlfriend, she can step up for the position. But she forgot, love is forbidden in the swimming club.
Right, that’s one load down, on to the next! Up now is Proper Exchange!!, a strange doujin that begins strangely enough with a female protagonist, Makoto. She keeps trying to get a look at the lead male Yuuki’s phone, but he won’t let her. She keeps harassing him to let her look at the phone until he slips and falls down some stairs and brings her with him. True gentleman. He breaks his phone on the way down, which apparently had a 100,000-volt battery because they both get zapped with a couple bolts of lightning.
They pull themselves together afterwards, but something’s different:
OSNAP THEY’RE IN EACH OTHER’S BODIES YO!!ONE
They retire to one of their rooms, where Yuuki-now-in-Makoto’s-body is flipping out, but Makoto-now-in-Yuuki’s-body is strangely nonchalant about the whole matter.
I’m not too surprised about that, if you have a dick you seem to be golden in Japan. In addition, it is also at this juncture that we find pretty much everyone in Japan’s a bit of a rapist, but you apparently need a dick to want to do something about it.
Makoto-now-Yuuki decides to tease Yuuki-now-Makoto (henceforth referred to as male and female, respectively), and basically comes to the conclusion that fucking will make everything better. Why am I not surprised.
I shouldn’t be surprised that she decides to go along with it either, since apparently she’s an emo little bitch. Some groping, nipple-tweaking and ass-grabbing ensues, followed by a finger-bang for good measure. She gets all “are you gonna have sex with me” girly on him, and he jams it in in reply. He apparently got the hang of those balls pretty quick.
He tells her he’ll go slow, but he doesn’t know how long that’ll last since he’s a guy now. Wow, he’s more of a guy than he thinks. She comes ahead of him, but apparently they’re still stuck in each other’s bodies. She comes to the conclusion that they weren’t fucking hard enough, and gets on top for round two. More fuck noises ensue, and they both come with the same result. In the end, he decides it’s fine to be stuck like this, since she now looks so super-cute. And there’s the fact that he has a dick now, that’s a plus.
And finally we come to Yamauchi-San To Yamauchi-Kun, a manga whose name made me originally think it was incest but was apparently just coincidental. We open with the woman Eriko being trounced in the rankings yet again by her rival Takayuki. He’s apparently a prodigy or some shit, but she thinks he has some sort of secret that by God she will discover. After asking to study together in the most harmful way possible after the tests have ended…
…when he finally agrees and they’re in his room she goes snooping around as he steps out to get more tea. And of course, like she would if she snooped in any boy’s room, she managed to find his porn.
But I don’t think she expected to find porn with her face on it.
He comes back in the room, they turn into rabbids, and of course in the ensuing struggle they somehow manage to fall on the bed.
He declares his undying love for her in the most annoying and slightly creepy way he can, and whips her tits out.
We find out that as smart as he is he can easily mistake “fuck-me eyes” for “murder eyes”…
…and when she tries to get away from him, he rides her like a horse and forces her to agree to stop being “tsun” and start being “dere”. She agrees, and he commits what is not only the cardinal sin of essentially raping someone, but of dealing with women in general.
You do not EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER let a woman with eyes like that have access to any body part you wish to retain ownership of. EVER. EVER. He may be book smart but he must’ve failed the shit out of Man School, or not even have shown up because that’s like the first lesson.
Amazingly she doesn’t immediately bite his dick off, but gives him a handjob that is so boring he starts to fall asleep. Of course not making him come now would be dishonoring her family, so she switches to a blowjob that in contrast is apparently so good he has to hold her head down to make her swallow his baby batter. To apologize for humping her face 30 seconds ago he fingers her until she comes and just jams it in, again a bit surpring since she was a virgin as well and she doesn’t seem to be in any pain. Fuck noises are made, and a creampie is baked for everyone to enjoy. Mmmm.
In the end he manages to convince her to come over every day to “study”, and at the end of the final exams she’s dropped from second right behind Takayuki to 44th. He tells her if she undergoes “special training” she’ll rise back to second place behind him, and…she doesn’t take it well.
And so we wrap up my triumphant return to Mischif no Snark! As always, comments, criticisms and crap comics to crack on are completely cool, so feel free to contribute in the comments!